“For the majority of the men I work with in ‘Living without Violence’ and ‘prison’ programs, the root cause of their violence stems from the shame they carry in their male identity. The normalisation of violence in their family systems and the resultant disempowerment of their male identity is the fundamental cause of most violent behaviour.
The healing comes from creating self awareness of these issues by permitting the men to be vulnerable to each other in their emotional lives: the world denied them by the shaming of their disempowerment.
I have introduced a number of men to Essentially Men from the Living Without Violence work with profound results. The weekend offers an intimate initiation into a male world of love and respect for maleness that undermines the need for violence. The men get it!”
Brent Williams Living Without Violence and Essentially Men Facilitator
Two approaches to managing anger
A Common Approach
A common approach used in anger management courses is to learn ways of controlling your anger. You educate your conscious mind to recognise the early warning signs of anger and to select a words or actions that take you away from harmful outbursts of anger. We recommend that men who physically abuse or verbally threaten their partners or children consider this approach first.
Essentially Men’s approach
The second approach seeks to root out the deep causes of anger that are buried in the story of men’s upbringing and their sense of male identity. This is the approach that we use at Essentially Men and that Brent Williams spoke about above.
Results of attending an Essentially Men weekend
In the Essentially Men workshop the focus is on the whole emotional world and well being of the men attending – anger is one of the emotions worked through.
However research interviews on over 400 men who have attended the Essentially Men workshop show that men consistently become more self aware and sensitive to their own emotional ranges after the EM weekend. They were also able to put those emotions into words and express them to others. The men reported that they felt more caring, less anxious, less angry, less depressed and more empowered after EM.
“Slowly finding a voice to express what was going on, inner strength, to share it, speak it.” Essentially Men participant
It means that often men are now able to speak honestly and openly without being overly triggered by anger – a signal that they were also able to control their feelings more.
For Men’s Partners
Partners notice big changes
Men’s partners usually notice big changes after their man returns from an Essentially Men weekend workshop. They often find that their man brings with him a new orientation around their relationship and will actively work on it with them.
Partners find that their man has a greater capacity to reflect and see himself from the outside looking in. He is more able to empathise with and/or understand his partner. As a result a man and his partner often find they are able to resolve previous issues in the relationship.
Partners are deeply appreciative of the positive changes being brought into their families and extended families. We spoke to many partners in a research project and they told us that after an essentially Men weekend workshop:
- They felt safer
- Their man was were less reactive
- They and their man were happier
- Their man was more physically demonstrative and tactile in his affections towards his
partner and his family
- Their man was more articulate
- Their man was less judgemental
- Their man came back inspired
For More Information
For more information on the Essentially Men weekend course contact +64 9 376 2386 or email us.
Or register online: essentiallymen