Tikanga / Guidelines

This Tikanga document from the Essentially Men Education Trust (EMET) forms the basis of an invitation to join a closed confidential group email list. It’s an interactive communication forum, which means you can talk anyone in the EMET Google network through using the services of our group email list.

This forum is a way of staying connected in the spaces between our gatherings. We hope the content will be uplifting and open up ways for us to participate more fully in the flow of men’s lives.

It’s also an opportunity to be inspired by other men’s groups through talking about what’s happening in our journeys, without necessarily going through the Hub. By joining the group you agree to abide by the guidelines and Tikanga as set out below.

Guidelines / Tikanga

This email list is intended to work like an extended Men's Sharing Circle and so uses many of the same guidelines. Please remember that these are simply guidelines and may be modified in practice by the stakeholders. Any views or opinions expressed are those of the individuals writing and do not represent the views or opinions of the Trust.

This is an email list for men only, please respect this simple truth.

Confidentiality is a critical element in the operation of this list. What you read here is not yours to own. No man’s name or story is to be repeated outside of this list or beyond its members. You can however share your experiences and insights as you wish with the list. Please do not forward any messages from this group.

Do not post to the Essentially Men list and simultaneously to other individuals or groups. If you wish to post the same content to multiple parties then please send a separate and dedicated email to the Essentially Men List.

We encourage you to take ownership of what you say when posting to the list. Consider the use of ‘I’ language.

There is an old saying, “play the ball and not the man”. Please refer to this statement if in disagreement with someone on this list.

Watch your own inner stirrings if something on the list pushes your buttons. Our reactions to things often take us to a deeper reflective place of understanding and are worth investigating. Be mindful of how easy it is to dash of a quick, possibly hot-headed response.

Advice giving is not encouraged unless requested. If you choose to give advice or feedback then please do so respectfully and speak from your own experience where possible.

Philosophising and moralising can keep groups from being grounded and real, this is not the place for relentlessly pushing any particular barrow.

Challenges in the spirit of honouring another man towards finding greater truth, self-awareness or healing may be part of our journey, but check in with your heart first around phrasing. If your men’s group would not honour the way you have said it, you may need to reflect on how you have expressed your viewpoint.

Above all, speak your truth gently from the heart, respect others, and honour the intent and spirit of this network.

Messages - general postings, links, attachments, humour

Please personalise the things you post, give us some insight into why you are posting rather than just a link or an attachment with no explanation. Your explanation could be as simple as “Hi Men, I found this to be funny / interesting and thought that you might like it too”.

If posting humour then please ensure that it is in good taste or at least well intentioned.

Senders of derisive / offensive/ inappropriate content may be bounced into a ‘moderated’ status where all future postings are first moderated for content that’s consistent with our Tikanga values and intent.

The list is about keeping connection, honouring the man, inner-work and growth. It is not the place for standing on a political or other soapbox. Obviously there will be times when such comments may be relevant, please use your discretion at these times and post respectfully. If in doubt, leave it out.

If you wish to attach brochures or flyers please consider the size of these files. Some men still have modest download plans or may not appreciate excessive email attachment clutter. Compress files and photos, or attach them as a PDF or as a link which we can connect to, and open, if the subject is of interest.

Messages, events, workshops, promotions, marketing

Any man is welcome to promote specific events that he considers to be of interest to the Essentially Men List community. Please start off your email with a personal introduction to the event you're promoting or forwarding and describe its relevance to you and/or the men on this list. Do not post marketing links and content external to the EMET network more than once.

Marketing on this email list is a grey area. We are fellow travelers on this road called life and many of us are genuinely interested in each other’s products or services. Make your posting personal, tell us what your relationship to the product is and leave out the hard sell. One test is, “would I send this marketing email to my closest friends?” Add your service to the Directory.

Calls for help, accommodation, general stuff

We're a community. We think it's great that we can put out a call for practical help whenever we need it. Please use an informative header and lay out your need or offer in the text.

Regular newsletters

You may let your fellow list members know that there is a newsletter available, what it's about, and where they can go to subscribe to it or you can post a link. Do not post newsletters on the list with content external to the EMET network.

Email signatures, tags

Men connect on this email list in an informal way as peers. If you have multiple qualifications and/or interests and have them listed in your automatically attached signature then please turn this feature off when posting or responding to this list. Simply use a signature, sign-off or tag that you would normally use when conversing with a friend.

Finally…

This forum is yours to use and explore. If you're totally new, perhaps having just finished the weekend course, we encourage you to post a self-introduction. Perhaps something about what you got out of the weekend you have just attended to let the other men know that you have arrived. If you are an old hand and see a posting from a new man then please welcome them aboard.

The men on this list are not necessarily unified in their approaches to life and this is what makes life on this list interesting, fun and sometimes challenging. The single unifying factor is that most of us have been to a Men Being Real/ Essentially Men weekend, or undertaken a men’s course elsewhere, or have had experience of being in a Men’s Group of some kind.

The men on this list are a diverse lot and represent a big spectrum of humanity. It is our experience that we all have special talents, we all have things we need to work on and we all have something to offer. There may be a time when you see something on the list and have an urge to respond to it. Our advice is, feel it, centre yourself and then share your thoughts respectfully from the heart, honouring the spirit and intent of the network.

Welcome to the Men Being Real-EM Group List.

Moderator on behalf of the Trustees