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Essentially Men from a Counselling Perspective.

By Steven Dromgool


I’m often asked by clients, friends and colleagues about my involvement with Essentially Men and underlying the question is this wondering, “What is the big deal about men’s initiation?  Why do men have to go away in their little clubs, etc?”

There a multiple answers to this question but perhaps the simplest is the fact that most young men grow up with little access to their father’s inner world.  The stoic Kiwi male façade leaves the developing man without a guide or roadmap to authentic manhood.


Where the young boy/teenager/man has a consistent male relationship in which he can talk about his fears, uncertainties and questions, this transition to authentic manhood occurs naturally.  The older man is able to validate and normalise the concerns and questions as part of the normal journey into mature masculinity.

Nor is this a one way passage. Youth by their nature tend to challenge the status quo and their questions and conflicts can act as a necessary check to blind traditionalism.  However this relationship requires safety, trust and a commitment to openness – something that is sadly rare for most Kiwi men.

Essentially Men is an intentional community of men being real in the safe environment that creates what many men describe as a coming home experience where they can connect with their authentic self and become fully alive.

Having previously run men’s groups myself I attended the weekend and was so incredibly impressed I stopped running my groups because EM was doing a far, far better job of it than I could.  Like most counsellors, I do this vocation because I want to see people set free. For me Essentially Men is an essential tool in this process.







Steven Dromgool founded REST Counselling with a vision to see couples connect in powerful, loving relationships.  His approach is to empower couples with tools to communicate effectively so that they can feel safe, loved and desired.  Steven holds a Masters degree in Counselling and is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist.

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