Gilbert's Story

Gilbert describes his upbringing as, “privileged” yet he struggled to find his feet in a family of academics and achievers.

“Education really wasn’t my thing. I remember mum being in tears having gone to parent/teacher interviews. All she ever heard were problems. She stopped going.”

“My reports were never flash. I’d get put down. That still impacts me today.”

After failing fifth form twice, Gilbert was sent away to boarding school in Nelson.

At 16 years, Gilbert flew solo and took a taxi there. All of a sudden, he was alone but he credits his outdoor education teacher for changing his life. Gilbert recalls a number of inspirational men who would help shape his future.

“I was doing stuff I wasn’t exposed to at home. Sometimes we’d go bike riding instead of sitting in class.”

Gilbert says there was one Mount Angeles trip, where his classmates were armed with just axes, that sticks in his mind.

“It was about survival. We had to find water, wet weather gear, warm clothes.... We reached our hut but, there was so much snow, we had to climb through the roof to get in. Health and safety wouldn’t allow that today. It was so much fun!”

“This had nothing to do with how smart you were. It was just, ‘You need to survive, put one foot in front of the other and just keep going. That’s what I loved about it.”

While he settled into Nelson life, Gilbert’s parents moved to the UK. “My brother decided he’d stay behind and so he joined me at boarding school.” Gilbert says his no-nonsense brother was always there for him.

“There were times we had nowhere to go in the holidays so we’d just sneak back into boarding school. We made it work. We survived.”

Eventually, Gilbert became a professional snowboarding instructor. When he moved to the US for his first season, it was a rare time his father approved.

“He saw how much I earnt.”   

Looking back, Gilbert says drinking was one way he used to cope but he had to stop.

“In Switzerland, I fell over in the snow and woke up there. I realised I could’ve died.”

Looking back, Gilbert’s mum says she should’ve protected her son more. Now dad to two older daughters and two younger sons, Gilbert says he can find grace.

Having recently attended the Men Being Real weekend, Gilbert’s relationship with his father is changing for the better.

“Recognising a brotherhood of men needing love and connection enabled me to be vulnerable, empathetic and affectionate. I was able to father men in a way they needed. My light bulb moment was I needed to do this for dad. My whole life I’ve been the little boy in a man’s body waiting to receive it, but I needed to give it to him in order for me to feel it. He broke down about his tough father. He opened up and showed up. We’re on a better path now.”